There is not a single valid reason to not have kids, is there? It finally dawned upon me. No matter what your reason is, people will always contradict you like it's some insult to say, "Wow, I think that's a good reason and very responsible to think about the potential child first."

I have very severe anxiety. I have pretty much every anxiety disorder, but the worst are near daily panic attacks and Depersonalization Disorder. Depersonalization disorder I won't get into the boring details, but take my word for it when I say it's absolutely terrifying and exhausting to live with. It's a struggle just to get through the day without pulling my hair out some days.

Almost every family member of mine is just as bad, so I assume any children I would have would also have it just as bad. When people ask me why I don't want kids, I tell them I don't want to bring another person into this world with severe anxiety. Most people accept that. You know what someone said to me today? "Oh, you'll change your mind. Plus, there's always meds to help them be normal."

Excuse me? Bringing a child into a world, knowing it'll likely have most of my same problems, is the most selfish, fucked up thing I could ever do. I'd be putting my wants above the quality of life of a person. If I really want a child that bad I'll foster and adopt. There is no excuse I can think of for making another person suffer through this for the rest of their life. 

It's just... Never ending. 

http://consumerist.com/2012/05/father-son-kicked-off-flight-because-3-year-olds-dont-care-about-the-seatbelt-sign.html

Seriously, what's with the rash of obnoxious shits causing flights to be stopped? I'm even more glad I don't have children.

9 Silly Things People Say When They Hear You Don't Want Kids (And Ways to Counter Them)

Okay, so I know we've all come across them, but I just thought this article was hilarious. It is way too long and I am way too lazy to post here, but I have added some of my personal favourites under the cut.

( This-a-way! )

ENJOY ^__^ I certainly did hehe

This subject has been addressed in a few ways lately, but I figure I can put in something that happened to me tonight that just really got my goat.

Tonight was my best friend's graduation party.  Towards the end of the night, I go downstairs with him to the mini bar he's got where his father is bartending and take the necessary vodka shot with spicy hors d'oeuvres (his family is Russian) when a family friend of his parents decides to give him some life advice.  My Russian is not great, but despite not speaking much, I can understand most conversational Russian.  At some point in the conversation, family friend says to Ivan (my friend) that he was in for some big decisions and that he should just take it one day at a time, because life gets complicated with women and relationships.  He went on to say that Ivan will have to decide whether he wanted kids one day, and that if he didn't, he had to wait to see if he changed his mind.  

I laughed at the bit about women with a nod, and family friend switches to English saying "It will be even harder for you.  Don't have children before you're ready."  I respond that I don't plan on having children.  In fact, I plan on NOT having children.  He looked at me and said I would change my mind, perhaps, by the time I got to be thirty.  I said that if I ever changed my mind, I could always adopt.  This was, apparently, not the right thing to say, because it then became a lecture about how there is no bond like a biological parent and their child.  I said as diplomatically as I could that I didn't think that was true at all, and that I was adopted.  I said that knowing that fact growing up meant the world to me because it meant my parents really wanted me by that time.  He insisted that it was nice, but that it was still somehow inferior to having biological parents, or being a biological parent.  I had to take another shot to avoid saying something really regrettable.

Family friend then proceeded to ask me why I thought what I did, and I gave the usual spiel I give about why I don't want children, and that the fact that I don't want children means I really shouldn't have any.  We got into some (rather one-sided) discussion about how Russian and Chinese culture are family oriented, so maybe I was just not as tied to my roots.  I said again that despite not feeling Hong Kongese or Chinese as much as American, my mother's side of the family is pretty traditional Chinese, so his argument didn't really hold water.  He then told me that because I keep mentioning the fact I was adopted, I'm uncomfortable with not having biological parents and I secretly dislike myself for it.

My offended levels were almost off the charts, so as a parting blow, family friend says "Well, when you get to be 46 like I am, you'll look at it differently.  But you're just a young thing at 22, so you can enjoy your life without responsibilities for a while."


I'm still fuming, but I held my tongue pretty well.  Ivan is more than my best friend, he's more like my brother (in fact, we both call each other long-lost siblings).  I REALLY didn't want to make an ass of myself in front of his family.  So I sort of settled for abruptly leaving, but it was better than what I really wish I could have said.

Hello!  First time posting to this community, but I've been following along for a bit.  I've seen quite a few posts about the thought processes of those of us who are child free, and it got me thinking.  I have a friend who had a miscarriage a few years ago, and it devestated her, but she's moving on now and thinking of her future and having kids.  Luckily, she's completely accepting of my mindset, and promises that if she ever does get pregnent she'll stay away until the crazy is done.

But the thing is, and what prompted this post, is that I literally cannot fathom the desire to have kids.  It just doesn't register for me.  The very thought of having a kid is repulsive.  The idea of a parasite living inside of me for 9 months brings only the image of Alien to mind.  But I know there are some people, like my friend, who really want a child and like the idea of growing the little monster inside of them.  It makes them go all... weird. 

I just... I don't know how to explain this better, but it's like my very genetic code is geared towards not wanting kids, whereas other people are wired to want lots of babies. Does anyone else have this disconnect?  I don't mean just a desire to not have kids, but a bone deep repulsion and a very real confusion as to why anyone would want to go through that? 

My mom and I have talked about this before, and whereas she sees a pregnant woman and thinks it's lovely, I see a crazy woman waiting to explode.  She thinks it's the most amazing thing in the world, and I'm honestly grossed out and confused as to why anyone would do that themselves. 

If there is something in me that's hardwired differnetly, it would certainly explain why some people just don't understand why I don't want children, the same way I can't understand why they would.

Some people just know that they were not meant to have children.  Some, like me, have always known it.  Others come to that realization later in life - sadly, too many realize it after they have already had children.

I'd love to make a t-shirt some day with this printed on it:

1.  I do not want children.
2.  This does not mean I hate children.
3.  This does not mean that YOU should not have children.
4.  This does not mean that my parents were horrible parents; in fact, they were wonderful.
5.  I am not being selfish - I am being self-aware.
6.  I also do not want a horse.  Would you insist that I get one?
7.  I am not hurting anyone with this decision.
8.  You are no better nor worse than I for making a different choice.
9.  I am not sad, resentful, or disappointed over my decision.  Why are you?
10.  I will not regret this decision in the future.  Can you say the same?

( A few weeks ago, someone in my friends list posted their own mini-rant when this community came up for spotlight. )


( Following is my response to help them understand, so I figured it worth sharing here. )

In conclusion, how many people have created families that they were psychologically ill-equipped to handle, yet accepted this burden because it was expected of them?  I'll bet the number runs into the millions.  Just like a military family expects their kids to "follow in their footsteps", I sense a very heavy cultural burden that is so deeply ingrained into our national psyche...even if it's not in our best interests.  It is a burden we, the childfree, neither asked for nor desire, and wholesale reject.  

By rejecting these burdens, it establishes a pattern to pick and choose to accept or reject all the other cultural burdens that are placed upon us as well.  And so we are free not just of children, but of all the other pressures and expectations that go along with it.

The 102 Most Unusual Baby Names of 2011

Asser?! EH?! MOO? THESE ARE NOT NAMES.

Seriously WTF. The stupid -- it burns.

Foolish Father: Dumb dad puts baby in washing machine and turns it on

(WOIO) - 19 Action News has disturbing video of a dad putting his toddler into a washing machine.
It started off as a joke -- but in the end -- no one was laughing.

Dad was obviously goofing around and thought it would be funny to put his toddler in a machine and close the door. But then door locked and the washing cycle started with the child inside.

He then realizes the machine is on and his son is getting tossed around.

Dad realizes his mistake and tries to get him out and when mom sees what happening they both try to pry open the door.

Their screams draw the attention of other customers and they still, they can't get it open.

Mom eventually runs for help and the attendant hustles behind the machine, and pulls the plug.

( Surveillance video )